we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
