I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
