I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
someone owes me an orgasm
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
