I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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