I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i think i just lost a toe
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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