Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
