If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
