I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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