you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
