Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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