his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize