you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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