party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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