You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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