you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
