Hey man sorry I got all grabby
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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