She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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