We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
