i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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