So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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