There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
