I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
