ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
