you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
