I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Terrible idea I love it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
