And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
