Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
