Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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