hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
