Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
