Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
