So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
