did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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