My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
