you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
