The maid of honor just puked.
even my farts smell like vagina
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
