you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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