the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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