So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
