Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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