so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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