i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
