You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
