That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
