john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
