sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
