Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
