sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
