Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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