We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
