the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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