I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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