we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
