So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
