remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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