He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize