Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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