I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
