EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
