Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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