You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm like, not good at living.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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