i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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