I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
