Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
