Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
