It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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