But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
