dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We talked him into tasing himself.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
