You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
