Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
