...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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