Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
