Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
