like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
