I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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